I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
