**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
