Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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