Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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