I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
