So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
