Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
