you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
