I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
