Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
