so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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