He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
