I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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