..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
