It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
