'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
