Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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