he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
