Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she woke up with a sticky ear
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
