i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
