What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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