it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
