That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
