i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
