When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
