You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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