Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
