so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
