I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
