Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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