He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize