so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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