dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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