so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
