Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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