So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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