i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
