you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
