it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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