remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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