You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
