You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
