I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Im part way to drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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