Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
