I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
