i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
