Sry I called you an 8
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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