I hate your face
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
