just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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