I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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