we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
