just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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