Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
