He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
