We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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