she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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