Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
