You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize