Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
