am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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