just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
love makes seman taste better
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
