i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
