True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
