he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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